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I don’t know about you but I’m really freakin’ sick and tired of total useless toolbags or dimwits being rewarded with TV shows, fame and money… just for being complete asshats!
I’ve been doing a lot of research while planning my next steps to take over the world refine and advance my career. Looking at what’s trending, figuring out how to brand myself. Have you seen what’s out there? Jesus, Mary and Joseph it’s a sea of vapidity, shallowness, low IQs, boorish, low class behavior and violent personalities.
It seems the United States has set the bar incredibly low for entertainment and celebrity. I know there have been thousands of blogs and articles and commentaries on all the craptastic useless reality stars and their low rent television shows. But it goes for all forms of entertainment, TV, radio, books, magazines, blogs, theater.
All they do on these TV shows is feature incredibly dim people like Swamp People and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, so we can laugh at them. Which honestly I think is a little mean, but obviously the dim bulbs don’t care as long as they are getting a paycheck. Or they feature scantily clad ladies with bodies made by Mattel, like… picking dates or pulling hair (I don’t even know what the plot of that Bad Girls Club is other than to have cat fights). Or they show ridiculously rich people with their horrendous problems like so and so didn’t invite so and so on the girl’s trip to London. F you! That’s a major traumatic problem in your life? I’m insulted. Try my life, ya’ skank, you wouldn’t survive.
So yea, I’m jealous. Envious, jealous, whatever it takes. I’ve worked hard, raised 3 very smart kids on my own after their Dad took off, and I work a few jobs. I don’t want to be poor anymore, I want that big paycheck. I want to meet Andy Cohen! I want to have a makeover and be dressed by a stylist. Hell yea, you bet I do! So, what can I do?
I need an angle, a gimmick, something to brand me. No I don’t want burning metal on my flesh, I mean to package and advertise me, make me a brand name. What have I got that’s special? Humor? Well maybe, I don’t know, funny to some, not funny to others. I’m mature yet hip? Maybe, but I’m not uber hip, I couldn’t critique club DJs for Rolling Stone or anything. I’m not gorgeous, not hideous, but not gorgeous. But I have been told I have a nice rack, even after having 3 kids! And yes, they are real. My secret is I gained about 15 lbs and suddenly got ample bosoms. And I have amazing bras. You have no idea what a good bra can do. 😉
So, that’s it. I will try to pitch every media outlet in the world to get a reality show for my rack. A rack could have a reality show, right? I mean, most shows are just about looking at racks anyway right? Just cut out the middle man, don’t need vapid girls with dumb premises, just feature my rack. “Madge’s Rack”.
Oops, need to lighten it up, too emo, too much face in that one…
We could feature my boobs on a nice night out, a wacky date or something (too much plot?)…
My rack is even religious and attends church…
We can show my rack at work, writing…
We can show my rack eating my daily meals…
Take a look at my rack doing daily housework…
I would have to show facial expressions with my rack once in a while, ugh I’m not happy to see you…
Look at my rack, it’s ready for a formal event…
And my rack, in a highly dramatic plot twist (the hand to the mouth is my signature pose, it means I’m demure, yet filthy)… oh I forgot there are no plots in my show, ok well maybe a little…
And then I’ll throw in something completely different once in a while so that the low brow folks have something to laugh at and relate to…
Well there ya’ have it. My new show, featuring my brand… my rack. I could also write blogs, books, and radio shows centered around my rack. Whattaya’ think? Just waitin’ for those offers to roll in now…