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  • margaretfmadigan

Egocentrist, Tool, or Just Stupid… You Make the Call!

I have to tell you something that drives me crazy… people that are quite self-impressed and feel that their opinions and practices usurp all others.

Not to go on about this but, 2 weeks ago today my Father passed away.  I saw him just before he passed, knowing he didn’t have much time left, so I took great care in our communication.  I wanted to know, hear, observe, take it all in.  The one thing that was still prevalent, even though he could barely get a couple words out in a whisper… he still had the self-deprecation goin’ on.  lol  And that’s where I get it from.

My Father wasn’t one to ever hand out compliments and he even went so far as every time you did something good he would say something to bring you back to Earth, you know so getting an A on a test wouldn’t give you a big head. *eye roll*  Prime example, my Dad confided in me once that he thought my daughters were beautiful, I said thanks I try to tell them that.  He abruptly said in disbelief, “Oh you don’t tell them that do you?!”  I said, “Yes of course I do”.  He then told me that would go straight to their head and make them vain.  Shakin’ ma head…

My parents have always been huge on being humble and modest. So much so, they sent us in reverse, I think with the Irish Catholic guilt that we think we do in fact suck and have no business being on this Earth.  haha  No really, I’m not kidding…

I know they love us, it’s just how they were raised.  Spare the positive reinforcement, spoil the child?  Maybe so.

Anyway, in being raised this way, it’s made me really hate people who are full of themselves.  I’ve had to find a good balance between being confident (which I had been told I seemed to be lacking at times) and being, well… a douchebag.  I was searching for this balance for a while.  So much so as I became attracted to cocky men for a while.  You know that old, seek out in others what you are lacking thing…  Whatever, I got over that.  Now I seem to be hyper-sensitive to it though.  Whenever I encounter someone that appears to be egocentric, I start to steer away.  How do I know?  Here are some clues:

1. In a conversation with an egocentric person, you will never be asked one single question about yourself.  The entire conversation will be a monologue about how great and important is said egoist.  Yes yes benching 400 lbs is quite impressive… (I feigned a gall bladder attack to leave that convo)

2. When you are allowed to say something about yourself, such as “I like pie”.  A normal person will give a non-threatening, “I agree to disagree”-type answer like, “Oh I’m glad you do, don’t know why, I’ve just never really taken to pie.”  An egoist will give a very passive-aggressive answer with intonation and language that is very emphatic that they detest pie and in fact CAKE is FAR superior, thusly you like pie = you are inferior, they are superior.  You know…  Me: “I like pie.”  Them: “Oh I don’t!  I never eat pie!  It’s just terrible!  I eat cake!  Cake is amazing! Ugh, I don’t know who could eat pie”.  Me: (meekly)  “Well I, I do, I eat pie, I like it.”  And… scene.

3.  Egoist will tell you the same stories over an over about the same things because they are so unaware of anything but themselves, they lose track of what they’ve said.  Also if an important event happens, they will tell you stories about it for days, weeks, months in order to hang on to that… thing… that moment in the spotlight or feeling of importance.

4.  An egocentric person can also be a narcissist.  (every single God damn time I spell that word I always have to look it up, I can never remember the balance of C’s to S’s)  A narcissist is impressed by appearance, especially they’re appearance.  And they are usually not that great looking and have delusions of grandeur and have unrealistic expectations that they should only be paired with a super model (male or female) like themselves, when in fact they look like Ernest Borgnine.  This person can also be found on Facebook with 20 albums containing 200 pictures each of the exact same selfie (a pic taken of ones self with own camera phone), trying to look sexy with pouty lips.  This same person will take every opportunity to post a bikini or shirtless pic.  Or the worst offender… the cutesy pic.  Aren’t I such a wild and crazy hot MILF with a flat stomach?  No, no really you’re not.

5. The egoist will always walk 10 steps ahead of you (literally not figuratively) and will never wait to walk with you equally side by side.  Other body language dominance includes but not limited to – shaking your hand at a downward angle, puffing chest out (male or female), looking down at you, looking around while talking to you, constant primping and posturing.

6. Men wearing Affliction, Ed Hardy, True Religion and any designer logo on a woman is egocentric and well… just douchebaggy in general.  You look like a tool.  Stop it.

7. The egoist is completely unaware of people trying to get to the bar they are blocking, those in a hurry behind them in a checkout line, those trying to get around their cart that is in the middle of the aisle, and those who they are annoying the hell out of while talking really loudly on their cell phones in public places.  Either that or they do all those things because they are incredibly stupid and oblivious or possibly Autistic.  (not making fun of Autism, Autism is the only clinical, viable excuse for being socially unaware or unable to read social cues… well that or severe mental illness, so I guess I shouldn’t judge)

8.  The only reason an egoist will do anything for other people is to make themselves look good.  They want their child to succeed because it will make them look good and they can brag, not necessarily to make the child feel good.  They will buy you a present then brag about what a great present they bought, they they will ask you a thousand times for a verbal pat on the back, “Wasn’t that an awesome present?  Yea, I’m awesome, who’s the best husband?”  *gag*  And you will be reminded of said present or gesture for years to come.  This person would never ever ever be an anonymous donor to a philanthropy or non-profit… they would demand a wing of the building be named after them.  And yea, it’s the same guy that will brag about and remind a woman how many times he made her climax, not so she felt good, just cuz’ ya’ know… it’s all about how great a lover is he. *puke vomit gag*

9.  The egoist will constantly remind you of how hot, smart, successful, strong, fit, rich, talented, good at whatever they are.  Don’t ever tell someone you are hot, that’s just laughable… and sad.

I know I shouldn’t be so bent out of shape about these types.  I guess I’m just mad at myself for letting them get over on me in the past.  But we all have certain things that just get under our skin and annoy the crap out of us.  Mine is those people… and annoying voices.  Oh God the cadence of the Kardashian girls speech makes me want to stab my ear drums.  So yea, stay away from people who do the above things because trust me… you will never get your emotional needs met.

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