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If I Scratch Your Back, Will You… Care What Color My Nails Are?

I’m not sure what I think of this color yet…

It’s OPI – “Suzi Take the Wheel”

Yes, those are my real nails.  In a dim light this color looks cool, but in really bright light it looks like it’s flourescent or something.

Where the hell does OPI come up with these names?  That’s some dumbass stuff, must be insider jokes from their Marketing Department at OPI.  “Hey Suzi remember when we went out after work for 2 for 1 happy hour and we all got so hammered and made you drive?  Let’s name this dingy gray color after that!”  Whah?  (And by the way dingy means dull and drab, dinghy is a small boat).  Yea, I don’t know either.  I found this color in a basket at the front desk of the salon for $5.  Ya’ know how they always put the colors that don’t sell up there to get rid of them?  I likes me some trendy colors so long as it doesn’t look stupid (always ask my daughters first).  Guys, you have no idea what the hell I’m talking about do you?  Well, except a few of my drag queen and transgender friends – Hi Girls!!!!

But guys, even if you did know what I was talking about… do you care?  I mean really, do you even notice a woman’s nails?  Have you ever said, “Hey that’s a nice color.”?  I’ve heard guy friends of mine get creeped out by a girl with ugly man hands, but I’ve never heard them remark on pretty hands.

What about this?

Do you think those look pretty?  Sexy?  Slutty?  Trashy?  Stupid?  I’m curious.  Or do women do that style just for other women?

How about these?

I love the ones on the right.  My one daugher’s hands look exactly like that right now (sans wedding set), she has nice short nails, and pretty much that exact same color on (which is another OPI of mine).  But the ones on the left?  That shit drives me CRAZY!!!!  I can’t stand those big ole Theresa-Caputo-I-Speak-to-the-Dead spatula nails!  What is the purpose?  They look ridiculous!  Remember how back in the late 70s or 80s people had a “coke nail”?  (For the youngins, one finger nail kept extra long to use as a makeshift spoon to snort coke from)  This is a whole set of nails you could scoop out a whole Apple Brown Betty with!

Men, do you find that attractive?  Do you even care?  Do you ever notice makeup?  Other than when it’s over done and garish?  Do you ever notice clothes?  Other than when it’s barely containing some body parts that are just bursting to get out?  Oh shoes!  How about shoes?  Ever notice those?  Really, on that one I don’t give a rat’s ass, I love me some shoes.  But just so I make you feel like I’m listening, do you ever admire shoes on a woman?  Ok, whatever…

Jewelry?  Accessories?  Well I know you care about lingerie.  And hey, speaking of lingerie… don’t ever buy that for a woman for Christmas, Birthday, or Valentine’s, because we know damn well that present isn’t for us, it’s for you.  Buy us something we really covet or need, then go buy the lingerie and give it to us for a just because gift.  And yes, we all know you buy it as a “I’m not getting enough sex from you” signal.  Duly noted.

So, guys do you ever notice any of this stuff?  Do you care?  Ladies do you look at the details on a guy?

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