Top 20 Reasons to Have a Cocktail
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Top 20 Reasons to Drink
“Have a cocktail because…”
1. You’re not an alcoholic.
2. Heroin just gives you a headache.
3. Work is over for the day… or close enough.
4. The kids are finally in bed…or close enough.
5. The dish ran away with the spoon.
6. To forget the guy that doesn’t want to be with you.
7. The guy that does want to be with you looks better after a few
8. How else will you tolerate your child’s band concert?
9. It’s Thursday.
10. Housework gets done quicker. You don’t seem to notice the stains your missing when you’re drunk.
11. It’s an excuse not to have to take your kids anywhere, “No I’m not driving you to T-ball, Mommy’s drunk.”
12. You’ll feel less self-conscious about not wearing pants in public.
13. It’s easier to make that $50 making a YouPorn video.
14. It will make recording a video of your drunken ramblings for YouTube seem like a HILARIOUS idea.
15. It will help your one night stand productivity go through the roof!
16. I like spatulas.
17. It will make your Kenny Rogers karaoke singing so much more entertaining.
18. I’ve seen you drive, you probably do drive better drunk.
19. You’ll be able to release your pent-up inner asshole.
20. Maybe I’ll seem funnier.
(This is for laughs, I don’t condone inappropriate or dangerous use of alcohol… unless it involves sparkly unicorns)