Whoopsie, Pull Down Your Social Media, Your Crazy is Showing…
I try so hard to make sure what I post on Facebook or Twitter isn’t annoying. Really, I do. But ya’ know, inevitably someone will think I’m annoying. One man’s hilarious is another man’s “she annoys the fuck out of me” What can ya’ do?
But I try hard to avoid the cliches that people most often complain about like:
1. The food report “Making meatloaf and mashed potatoes for dinner. Yum!”
2. The whine “Day 2 of being home sick, oh I feel so terrible and wish someone would make me soup”
3. The health overshare “I just got home from the doctor, still can’t figure out what is wrong. Still have purple ooze coming from my rectum. But doc said my mologium levels are normal. Will test my saliva tomorrow”
4. The subliminal message “Some people just can’t stop talking about me can they? You better check yourself bitch, I’m on to you.”
5. The man/woman scorned that makes you look like an idiot post “I just had a man tell me I’m needy and dump me. I’m sorry I just want to know where you are all the time, it’s in case I need you or you might do something bad. Sorry you can’t handle my love, jerk. I’ll find a real man who can.”
6. The boring cliche post “Oh Mondays”
7. The inspirational quote “When Life Gives You Lemons… at Least You Won’t Get Scurvy!” oh wait, that’s the title of my upcoming book! But that has a funny twist, a boring one would be “God only gives us what we can handle”
8. The uneducated rant “Yea, this country is going to hell because all you Liberals need to have your front wheel drive shopping carts. You know they gave us a new tax on that, didn’t you? We need to take our country back!”
9. The desperate grab for attention “Look at my 8,000 selfie that looks like all the others!” or “Hey, I’m running through the house naked” – oh wait that was me. 🙁
10. The boring ass Happy Birthday wish “Happy Birthday!” You can’t even mention their name? Could you be any more lazy or uncreative? (I may have done this in a hurry, sorry)
So these things I find humorous and try to avoid. The one thing I’ve tried hard to avoid since I think I have already done it about 8 years ago on MySpace was the public descent into madness. Oh I was riding the “the world hates me” wave hard.
“Caution: Whacky Post Crossing”
I’ve seen this person lately who um is someone I’ve only known online for years. This person was always a little, I don’t know, just not very bright but always doing cocky flirting. Trust me, you have nothing to be cocky about. Not to be a bitch but, this person can’t string a cohesive sentence together with more than 2 words spelled right. They boast of being an uneducated redneck. Ok, knock yourself out.
But recently this person has posted several times a day about how we will soon need to retreat to survivalist bunkers and stuff about NY State gun laws will soon be taking our children as wards of the State and putting them in work camps. The twist is, this person thinks they could be the savior. They don’t know how these overeducated “experts” can’t figure everything out but he/she can. Yes, perhaps we should have a person with 14 kids out of wedlock that can’t hold a job, drinks all day, and can’t spell cat to fix the country. This person doesn’t even know the branches of government or how a bill becomes a law. (I recommend Schoolhouse Rock for that)
There’s nothing we can do. I’ve tried to leave the casual “So and so, calm down, concentrate on your family then help fix us” or something nice but rational. It seems to get them riled up and the country needs them even more. And the person’s friends seem to goad them on. Like yea “So and so for President”. It’s like dumb and dumber.
I’ve also seen the person that is being driven mad by their own paranoia of the opposite sex. This person is totally convinced all opposite sex are evil. Everyone cheats. Um maybe people just keep telling you they are in a relationship to get you away from them because you are crazier than a shithouse rat and are uber creepy?
It could just be something they’re going through, but it could be a serious mental health or substance problem. Who knows?
What do you do when you watch somebody taking the express bus to crazy town in a very public way on social media? Or if somebody is riding the Bitter Bus like it’s the bus in the movie “Speed”. We can’t stop it or we’ll die! (Someone please tell me if I exhibit these behaviors so I can eject immediately…)