Enough With the Gluten-Free, Cross Fit, Socialist Selfies
I look at social media all day. Ok, well not all day but like a whole bunch of times throughout the day. Mostly because of my various jobs. I write about pop culture so I’m always seeing what’s out there. Also I do marketing so I need to know what’s out there, as well as putting stuff out there.
Anyway, in all of my social media perusing, I see a lot of trends. I can see their evolution. I see some teens or hipsters using some word or talking about a certain activity. Then I see how it spreads to other social media savvy and pop culture junky hipsters… and college kids. Then it starts to come on the average intelligent person’s radar. Next thing you know it’s used in a commercial… and then that lady in your office with the 80’s hair cut and mom-jeans starts saying it thinking she’s incredibly cool… by that time it’s over and done and become incredibly lame.
But then there are other trends that I call “adult trends”, no not like glory holes or something, it’s usually some health thing or activity that grown folks do that… I just don’t get and I’m sick of hearing about.
Examples of cool things to do or make jokes about for hipster kids that ran it’s course… twerking.
Now wait hear me out. Twerking was funny about a year ago. Even longer than that. I heard my kids joking about it I think when my son was graduating high school in 2012. By the time Miley did it on TV, it had pretty much come and gone. Now ya’ know when your semi-retired dentist in Rockport walking shoes mentions the word twerking, you just want to say “Sorry Pops, that’s about as hip as a fanny pack”. I never understood it as a serious dance, but it was funny as hell to make jokes about… as I said, a year ago.
Now examples of adult trends that are so overdone, overposted, overused, overhyped, and should be just… over.
* Gluten-free. Ya’ll are always posting gluten-free recipes and talking about gluten-free this or that all the time. *I’ve changed this paragraph because the gluten-free folks were on a rampage and I don’t have the time or energy for it* I apologize if I seemed insensitive, but if you are a regular reader you know it’s part of my schtick. It’s like, would you go to an Andrew Dice Clay show and get upset because he made fun of you? Duh. Look you have the right to post your recipes, just as I have a right to be annoyed by constantly being bombarded with the word gluten-free all over the internet. My pet peeve. I have hot flashes from pre-menopause but you don’t hear me talk about it incessantly.
* Cross-fit. I have a niece that is heavily into it and I adore her, so I shouldn’t talk too bad about it, but seriously… I don’t post pics of me on the elliptical machine all the time, why should I care what you do for exercise? I used to leg press 400 lbs, I never felt the need to post pics of it. And I find it funny that you pay to go to a gym to do shit that you could do in your backyard like push tires, fling ropes, jumping jacks, sit ups, jump rope… sorry.
* Selfies. I first saw selfies on Myspace 10 years ago. Oh yes, now it’s so funny to say “I’m taking a selfie” hee hee. *eye roll* Be truly creative and record like a rocket launch in the background or something and then I’ll think it’s interesting.
* Reposting articles or stories that have no basis in fact whatsoever. Are you that fucking stupid that you will just click on “share” every time you see a story about Michelle Obama spending $70 million on a plane ride for her favorite toothbrush or a child kicked out of school for saying “I love you”? It either neglects to tell you the real story (like the kid said I love you, but had a big boner he was rubbing against kid’s legs) or is just completely made up bullshit.Oh here’s one for you… “Did you know gullible isn’t in the dictionary?”… post that.
* Looking for, cooking with, or buying organic crap. It’s just a marketing ploy to get you to pay higher prices.
* Political memes. That’s just tired. And annoying. And not funny. None of you even know the true meaning of half of the “isms” you are calling people. You wouldn’t know a true socialist if they hit you in the face with a board.
Those are just a few of the things I’m sick of hearing about. Yea, I know you wish you were as cool as me and knew what was really trendy. The fact is it is so cool and esoteric that I can’t even tell you. I can’t post it. Me and the cool kids club only whisper about it to each other in dark alleys.