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Remember in elementary school when you bought (or rather your mother bought) that box of small Valentine’s Day cards and you filled out each one with a name of a classmate and then signed your name? Remember how you would carefully choose the coolest, cutest, favoritest character ones? Then if you waited too long to go buy them, you had to pick from whatever was left like some lame Tom & Jerry shit or that ratchet ho Strawberry Shortcake? And the messages sucked.
As an adult I love to use little kids Valentines and make them sound inappropriate. Here are some retro Valentines that I would love to see brought back for modern use because, well… they’re odd and more left open to interpretation. You wanna’ be a perv? Knock yourself out with some of these. You wanna’ be cutesy and corny? You’ve struck pay dirt here…
Oh yes, because we gals are all still going to college solely for our MRS degrees.
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Perhaps if you sat in a more ergonomic way, you could…
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I don’t even… What the fuck is this?
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From the “Serial Killer Valentine Collection”… Creepy.
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The 2016 Tinder version of this Valentine would be “Lick These Nuts Valentine”… which would be followed by a picture of nuts NOT of the plant variety…
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Now THAT is some genius copy writing, right there…
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To see Liz later in life, she must have been compensated a lifetime of Whitman’s Chocolates for this ad…
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All the Freudian images you need… cats and licking. Your gal will be purring…
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For the Vegans…
10.
Nothing says love like a dirty, worn out sock. Especially if it’s the one he uses in “private time”…
Happy Valentine’s Day from your old pal Madge. Feel free to add any fun Valentines’ you find down in the comments…
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