• margaretfmadigan

Is Clearing Up Old Business Being Disloyal?

All right, I’m doing an experiment.  I’m thinking about switching my blog over to this site.  I’ve found Blogspot a little hard to deal with and no one can ever leave a comment.  So I want to see if it’s easier to interact with people over here.

So let me write a little something to get the interaction going.  I sent an email to an old beau recently because something weighed heavily on my mind.  I have two daughters ages 13 and 15 to whom I’m trying to teach the virtues of womanhood.  Well, basically how not to get screwed over by men their whole lives.  I was trying to tell them to be true to yourselves, don’t let a boy pressure you into things and stand up for yourself.  Which made me think of something that happened in my past that I had to clear up.

This is going to seem kind of assinine but I do have this really strong sense of right and wrong that tends to get me in trouble.  Oh say like calling out authority figures when I know they have done something wrong or unethical.  I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut in order to keep jobs but sometimes I just can’t.  It’s almost like when Jim Carey just blurts out things in the movie “Liar Liar”, which I think is incredibly stupid but nonetheless it’s an example.  I can’t help it, it’s like an involuntary reaction to call people out.  Not like in a know it all way but when they contradict themselves or completely tell a lie.   Anyway, this thing that happened… in short, a boy I was in love with a long long time ago thought I cheated on him because another boy kissed me.  I did not and I had to tell him so… 32 years later.

A boy did kiss me, but he snuck up behind me in a backyard and pinned me against the side of the house, I had nothing to do with it, didn’t want it to happen.  Another boy happened upon us a few seconds later and I ran away.  I ran in the house crying.  Never told my boyfriend.  But several months later that other stupid boy did tell my boyfriend.  He immediately accused me of cheating, I tried to explain but he railroaded me into thinking I did something wrong.  I began to think I did something wrong.  I must have, right?  I must have smiled too much?  Wrong.  I did nothing.  See what that Catholic guilt does to ya’?  lol

So 32 years later I had to get it off my chest.  See I told ya’, I’m like the God damn Caped Crusader of truth or something.  I just can’t let some sh*t go.  But I also have a hard time sticking up for myself and letting people know that I am smart, I am truthful, I am loyal, and I am ethical.  So suck it.

Well 32 years later he’s married and has kids.  I write about the whole mishegas that I wrote above.  He sent me a couple of paragraphs saying he was trying to digest it all and that he was sorry and he was a jerk back then and how intense his feelings were for me back then and things might have been difference if he gave me a chance to explain.  It was nice.  He invited me to write more at anytime if I liked.  So I wrote back, and talked more about things rather in depth.  Then… he just kind of stopped.  Didn’t respond to my emails.  Did he think I was a kook who was still in love with him?  Did he not want to deal with old feelings out of respect for his wife?  Does he just not have time?  Does it really matter?

What would you do?  If you were married or in a committed relationship and an old love (like a really serious serious love of your life type) wanted to discuss some stuff and get closure?  Would you talk because it would help the other person heal?  Would you not talk because you thought it would stir up old feelings and lead to new feelilngs?  Would you think the other person was crazy for bringing up stuff from long ago?  It’s kind of that Facebook dilemna, should you mingle with old flames on there?  I’m friends with several guys on FB that I had once dated, they are all married and nothings going on, we never flirt.  We might send a note saying “Hey this band played a Joy Division song and I thought of you, you should check them out”.  Is that harmless or harmful?

Please leave a comment and discuss.  I want to see if it’s easier to interact with readers on this site.  Thanks!

#closure #oldflames #onlinecheating

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