• margaretfmadigan

Is to Forgive Divine or Really Stupid?

So Rihanna tells Oprah that Chris Brown was her best friend and she still loves him.  We all know what he did to her the night before the Grammy’s in February 2009.  He beat on her face.  And she still loves him.

Then within the year after that incident, Karrueche Tran (some young model broad) starts dating Chris Brown.  After, ya’ know, he beat his last girlfriend’s face in.  They just recently broke up.

I did a lot of research and all sources stated that measuring recidivism (repeating an undesirable act) was difficult because not everyone is willing to come clean with that info.  So then I tried to just find statistics on convictions of repeat offenders, which also gave varied stats, anywhere from 1/3 to 2/3 of domestic violence convictions were repeat offenders.  I found a statistic from the UK that 42% were repeat offenders.

So it looks like you have around a 50-50 shot that a guy’s going to beat a woman up again.   And it looks like Rihanna and Chris might be canoodling again, by the looks of some Tweets and interactions.  Is she right or is she wrong?

What about the whole forgiveness thing?  If you are of the Christian persuasion, forgiveness is supposed to be a staple of your beliefs.

 Matthew 18:21-22

“Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.”

Other religions offer the same advice as well, forgiveness.  But forgiveness and going in for another try are two different things.  ‘Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.”

I read a few articles with men telling their stories about being rehabilitated wife beaters.  They got help for anger management and whatever other issues they had that caused them to think it was ok to hit a woman.  The wife stayed with them and they said it stopped.  Ok.  I’m glad you got help.

Just like people who have committed murders and never repeated the offense.  Just like thieves who never stole again.  I guess there could be some men who never hit a woman again.  According to statistics, sexual offenders and rapists, not to make light but it seems like those are like Lays potato chips, no man can have just one.  Also I was reading a study that said Pedophiles can’t be “cured”, they can only have their urges controlled.  Along the same principle as alcoholism.  So, just as you wouldn’t think it wise to invite a recovering alcoholic out to a bar… I wouldn’t date a recovering pedophile and bring him home to my kids.  Are you a gambling person, do you take those 50-50 odds on a woman batterer?

So what does one do?  I’m one to err on the side of caution.  Having been a victim of… no not “victim”, I was a witness to domestic violence.  Pushing, shoving, verbal abuse, grabbing, fists through walls, but I wasn’t going to wait around to see the fist in my face.  I left and never looked back.  Ever.  Not even for a moment.  And I look for the signs in others.  But each case is different.  Should people be calling Rihanna a stupid whore on Twitter because she’s cozy with him again?  That seems kind of mean.  Should the public be so willing to idolize Chris Brown again as a pop star?  It’s all relative.  My problem with Chris Brown is that he has never seemed remorseful and never really apologized and has had further displays of anger and violence since the incident.  What’s more troubling is  he tells the New York Post’s Page Six Magazine. “At the end of the day, if I walk around apologizing to everybody, I’m gonna look like a damn fool.”  DANGER WILL ROBINSON, DANGER!  You should be apologizing the rest of your life!  As much as it takes.  That’s what I measure him by.

I know what I would do.  Do we have a right to judge what others do?  Do you try desperately to potentially save a woman’s life by telling her not to go back?  Or do you just stand by and shake your head?  I don’t know.  Words of warning can only do so much, then it’s up to free will.  Be safe, friends.

#ChrisBrown #domesticviolence #repeatoffenders #Rihanna

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