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Your Vagina is Not a Tote Bag

‘Vaginal Knitting’ Is Here To Make Everyone Afraid Of Performance Art Once Again (NSFW)

So, um… yea… ew.

Who… I mean what… like why would you… who are these people that do things like this?

I’m all for expressing yourself, I’m in some ways an “artist”, I have tons of artist friends.  I was a punk rock kid, always dressed that way and listened to the music I like.  But some stuff I just don’t get.  Well, ya’ know though… do what you want, who am I to say?  Go on with yer bad self.

Then I see this…

Jennifer McCarthy Pulls Gun From Vagina After Dispute Over Space Aliens: Cops

That’s all kinds of Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.  Before that, over the years I’ve read the occasional article of women smuggling drugs into other countries or into jails in their vaginas.  Other items smuggled into jail through the love canal… cell phones, switchblade, shivs, credit cards, cigarettes, crack pipe.  I don’t know about you ladies, but all of those things make me cringe.  However dudes, have been smuggling things into prison or elsewhere in their tukus for decades.  I don’t know what would be more uncomfortable, my front or back storage compartment.  Either way, right now I am simultaneously  clenching both of those areas.

I can tell you I’ve never been in jail or prison or had a loved one in jail or prison, so I don’t know how desperate things are in there. Also I have never planned to kill anyone and needed a concealed weapon… like REALLY concealed.  And I’m just not into arts and crafts either.  All I know is that there are only certain things that belong in my lady parts, I’m sure everyone’s list varies just a bit.  But I do know guns and balls of yarn aren’t on my list.  It was bad enough three 8 1/2 lb babies passed through there… I’ve no desire for any other spelunking going on in there… unless it fits painlessly and conveniently into the compartment.

What you do on your own time is your business… however if it contains consumer goods in your cooch, I don’t want to know.  God bless.

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