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Announcing the Title of My New Book and Trying to Outrun the Police

Drumroll please…

I have a new book coming out.  Tentative release date, May 1st 2014.  Are you ready for the title?  Ok, here it its…

“Poverty Line Fabulous”

Yes, yes unfortunately this is a true story about my adventures in destitute-ed-ness (my new word).  It’s my story of trying to raise 3 kids alone, make an impression and get a leg up in the working world trying desperately to find a successful career for myself, and trying to contribute to my kid’s private school world, all while getting unemployment or scrubbing friend’s toilets and receiving food stamps.

Tagline:  “I have a 5 year old Calvin Klein dress from Marshall’s and I’m not afraid to use it!”

It’s got a lot of funny stories about trying to pretend I’ve got my shit together while my world is in shambles.  But it’s also an inspirational story that proves you can be down but not necessarily out.  You don’t always have to accept your lot in life.  You can create a new life… with hard work, perseverance and a good fitting bra.

You can still always get my first book while you wait – “When Life Gives You Lemons… at Least You Won’t Get Scurvy!” Click here

Stay tuned…

Soooo… a quick blog about something of which I’ve been seeing a lot.  I swear to God, for the past several years I see about 3 of these stories a day in the local news alone…


(Ladies, does he turn you on?)

Well that’s one of the larger scale ones, every day you get some idiot on the New York State Thruway that thinks he’s in a video game.  However I do find the most shocking thing about that story is that the dude got an Acura to go 144 mph. Then you get a couple of these little ones every day…

I just don’t get it.  Well I mean I do, because every time you read these it turns out the guy (I only ever read one story that was a girl) was drunk or tweakin’ or was holdin’ drugs or weapons or had warrants.  So, if you’re drunk or methed out I don’t suppose you have the best judgement at the moment.  However, does anyone ever get away?  You eventually crash your ass, or by any chance you do give the cops the slip, they have your license plate (if not stolen) and description and video and all kinds of crap.

Is it the excitement then?  Like seriously, do these guys think they are in a movie or video game?  They get an adrenaline rush? Now mind you, I’ve been known to get places a little faster than other people on the New York State Thruway, but that’s just because I have places to go, I don’t get a thrill.  In fact, I’m mostly annoyed while doing it.  But for excitement, I’m perfectly content to park my ass on the couch with some wine and cheese, that’s plenty of excitement for me.  If I want to get crazy, I’ll only be wearing a t-shirt, underwear, and black socks… awwwww yea now, look out!  No really, my real adrenaline rush is going to the gay bar with my boys and gossiping… where else can I have a guy that just got arrested for burying a body in his backyard standing 2 inches from me staring me down?  Oh girl, that’s a story for another day…

But really, just stop your car and get the minimum charges, rather than racking up a whole bunch more serious charges, not to mention maybe killing or injuring some innocent folks who just happen to be in your stupid douchebag way.  People just do stupid shit for a thrill.  Like that Paul Walker actor guy.  Had the world by the balls… but “Hey let’s go really really fast on a curvy residential road so I can get a boner!”  Uh which is something I’m sure he had done tons of times while filming those Fast and Furious (which coincidentally is a nickname for a guy I used to date) movies.

In fact I know a very well respected gentleman who’s son was arrested for going 100 mph on his crotch rocket trying to outrun police.  The 20 something year old kid was there while Dad was telling the story, the kid thought it was funny and was obviously very proud.  Dad not so much, but I think he still was a little proud that his son was so manly.  Ack.

I just don’t get it.  So, stop it already.  It’s not cool.  If you are some loser that’s in and out of jail anyway and you don’t mind because you can’t function in normal society, find another way to get back to jail without putting other people at risk.  Do some loitering or something… litter or get too many parking tickets or play your music too loud. (oh wait that could get you shot these days)  Just stop using my New York State Thruway as a racetrack please… it’s not the God damn Autobahn.

While this is one of the most awesomely f-ing incredible songs by the most phenomenal amaizngly excellent band in the world… it’s no way to live.

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